November 18

Dear Mom,

Sorry I couldnt email you this last saturday. We were invited to lunch with some members and the sisters and then president had us over for dinner since it was my new companions birthday yesterday. 

Concerning the reason for which i went to the mission. I had decided that i would serve a mission a long time ago. It was something that i was always told that i would do. It was expected of me. Especially since Trulan went and did not finish. I felt responsible to set the pattern. I went because you all expected it of me. I came to the mission and ran into a lot of problems. I was very insecure. I had a very hard time making my own decisions and was not sure what my role was or who i was. I started to wonder why i was there and what i was doing. I was very afraid. I knew that i wouldn't come home. I could not bear the shame and disappointment that would follow that decision. Had i done that i probably would have become inactive in the church. I knew that i couldnt do that. Having decided this I knew that something was missing. Then it dawned on me. I had never personally gained my testimony of the Book of Mormon. I began to think about it and as i thought about it that was the key. If that book was true then the church would be true and the work i was doing really would be the most important thing that i could be doing. That was when ,for the first time, I felt that my prayer was answered. In spite of all the inner conflict that i had I felt an overwhelming peace. Something that I had not felt in a very long time. That moment was pivotal in my growth and development as well as my salvation. Had i not had that answer i would be in a very different place right now. That was the first step in my journey not only to help myself understand who i am and what role i play but in the salvation of others as well. Because of that i have been able to help several people be baptized in the name of Jesus Christ. I know that he is the head of this church and that he is our savior. Every time that i read the scriptures i remember Him and how much he loves me. I remember the time of that prayer and wonder at how a God could look upon me and have that kind of mercy and patience. It is something incomprehensible and marvelous that he could love me so much. That is the reason that i stayed on the mission. Because i knew that if i had left then i would be spitting that love back into His face. I know that that love needs to be shared with all whom we meet.

I am very grateful that you were able to feed those Elders. You saved their day. I know how it is to have a lunch or dinner appointment fall through. I will be transfered to my last area on the twenty first of January. 

Thank you for letting me dress myself :) I think i am able to do that. hahaha

Anyway I dont have that much time. I love you mom :)